A life of reinvention

I am humbled to see a book about Malcolm X is exactly what my catchy title is, but I am not perturbed. That statement still fits my life and probably many other peoples too, including of course the great human rights activist. Sometimes I wonder if things could have been different but its better not to dwell. This is me, this is where I am right now.

Knowing where my insecurities come from (my mother leaving home when I was eleven) has never factored into bad decisions and the inevitable running away... Taking flight has been a theme, in fact I really want to do that right now but I'm tired and ultimately know it was never the answer.

I read with astonishment that someone I know has worked for the same company for 44 years. I'm shocked when a colleague has lived in the same area all their life. After a random question on Twitter I calculated how many places I'd lived in and reached over 18. This includes relocation and even emigration, that's a lots of reinvention and feels as exhausting as it sounds.

Soon I will have been unemployed for five months. Obviously I have been in this position a good few times in my sixty three years, it is a significant part of reinvention, and I always portray myself as the ultimate 'bouncer backer'. However this time it feels different, redundancy is tough, the sense of security is heightened as does the big dip in confidence. Pandemic levels of unemployment means jobs that I would get are now out of my reach.

I have surrounded myself with positive quotes to keep my spirits up but the 'Its never too late to start over, never too late to be happy!' one in particular is really beginning to jar. Sorry Jane Fonda, at the moment everything feels like its far too late!